Multi-column

J R

Summary

summary:: J R by William Gaddis is a satirical novel that follows the story of an 11-year-old boy named J R Vansant, who uses payphones and postal money orders to manipulate the stock market and build a massive, complex corporate empire from his suburban Long Island home, essentially satirizing the "American Dream" by depicting the chaotic and often unethical world of high finance through the lens of a child's cunning business dealings; the novel is almost entirely told through dialogue, capturing the frenetic nature of business transactions and exploring themes like suburban decay, family dysfunction, and the corrupting influence of money.

Thoughts

Highlights

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deracinated 🔗

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lugubrious 🔗

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intestate 🔗

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filiation 🔗

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res gestae 🔗

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——Energy may be changed but not destroyed . . . 🔗

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Order is simply a thin, perilous condition we try to impose on the basic reality of chaos . . . 🔗

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imbrications 🔗

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peristaltic 🔗

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querulous 🔗

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cosmogony 🔗

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tangibilitating unplanlessness 🔗

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Out to the right, Whiteback led them in order of importance. 🔗

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has it ever occurred to any of you that all this is simply one grand misunderstanding? Since you’re not here to learn anything, but to be taught so you can pass these tests, knowledge has to be organized so it can be taught, and it has to be reduced to information so it can be organized do you follow that? In other words this leads you to assume that organization is an inherent property of the knowledge itself, and that disorder and chaos are simply irrelevant forces that threaten it from outside. In fact it’s exactly the opposite. Order is simply a thin, perilous condition we try to impose on the basic reality of chaos . . . 🔗

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remonstrance 🔗

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internecine 🔗

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no cars but those seeking seclusion for the dumping of outmoded appliances, fornication, and occasional suicide 🔗

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The only way we can write to him is to cut off the return address and paste it on to the front of a letter 🔗

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Philoctetes 🔗

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—Well he, of course he did yes I, because it’s one place it’s the one place an idea can be left here you can walk out and close the door and leave it here unfinished the most, the wildest secret fantasy and it stays on here by itself in that balance between, the balance between destruction and and realization until . . . 🔗

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she nodded up to shadows where the strings lurked again in ambush for their solo antagonist 🔗

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ingenue 🔗

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—So this old law of supply and decline with all these baskets happens with their stock too so what’s the difference? Like everybody’s buying it and selling it which they all want to get rid of it at once so like how does anybody know how much it’s worth? Like we saw all these guys tearing up all this paper all over the floor which nobody knew what they were doing, so like now we buy this stock of Diamond Cable with our money so what if there’s all this here cable nobody wants like nobody that didn’t buy all those baskets so it just ends up all these guys are running around tearing up paper all over the floor like where does that leave us? 🔗

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But I think it’s marvelous, that you couldn’t write their nothing music? I mean just because you can’t get paid to play Chopin or even write music that’s . . . 🔗

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Well would you mind sitting up! simply, simply trying to sit up straight the children have been looking over and they, I’m just afraid they’ll think you’ve been drinking.
—Think I’ve been, listen they don’t know what drinking is I could sit down over there shoot myself through the head they’d think I was dead and expect to see me in school tomorrow Christ they don’t know what, look at them over there look like a God damned settlement house Mister Urquhart creeping around picking up napkin wads like something out of Dickens they . . . 🔗

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It’s always a sad time of year but, bilt I don’t think . . .
—Sad Christ it’s, life draining out of the sky out of the world it’s . . .
—But it’s quite beautiful too, the fall colors the leaves changing you can’t really say . . .
—See life draining out of everything in sight call that beautiful? End of the day alone on that train, lights coming on in those little Connecticut towns stop and stare out at an empty street corner dry cheese sandwich charge you a dollar wouldn’t even put butter on it, finally pull into that desolate station scared to get off scared to stay on . . . he’d slid the matchbox open, picking out matches to arrange all their heads in one direction—school car waiting there like a, black Reo touring car waiting there like a God damned open hearse think anybody expect to grow up . . . 🔗

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🔗

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🔗

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Hurry up before it starts again . . .
—I can’t get this, hey Mister Bast can you get this door open?
—One at a time now, one more car back don’t push!
—Look out hey, it’s full of teachers . . .
—Aggressive and action-oriented . . .
—to demand duty-free lunch periods, I didn’t go to college to learn how to teach kids how to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or . . . 🔗

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—Boys and girls? yes look at the tombstones some of them are over two hundred years old oh look, look at that one with the weeping cherub carved on it isn’t it dear . . . and they gaped obediently at the bird dropping coursing down that weathered angel’s cheek until the light changed and released them across Broadway and down Wall in disheveled Indian file staggered seriatim by a stench rising from the sidewalk grating at No. 11 until George Washington’s extended hand flung their attention fragmented round the corner into Broad where the lofty pediment at No. 20 threatened to spill its stone comedy of naked labor yoked, high above their heads, to the lively dominion seething within, buffeted by the anxiety of lifetimes’ savings adrift in windbreakers and flowered hats toward the visitors’ gallery where football field hyperbole addressed them in a voice strategically boxed along the rail. 🔗

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suborned 🔗

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—Yeah I know, he’s supposed to be back yesterday he had to stop off at Dayton . . . no I told him you called Mister Shapiro, he . . . thank you that’s very nice but I can’t, no, my sister’s having a . . .
——active issues. I T and T thirteen, up one eighth. Diamond Cable, seventee . . . revised forecast continued rain and . . . join the biggest savings bank fam . . . do your mouth a favor, send . . . four dollars on genuine leather work boots, come in now and . . . 🔗

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—Why should they be afraid to see me walking around naked?
—No I mean you, aren’t you afraid . . .
—Well say what you mean . . . leaning into the mirror she removed an eyelash.—Afraid! she removed the other eyelash,—because you’re afraid you think everybody else should be afraid?
—Well no, he brought his eyes up from the smutch of hair she’d turned on him—I only meant . . .
—You only meant, you’re even afraid to say what you mean . . . she padded past him and bent over to pick up something, a hairpin? behind the radiator,—afraid it will devour you, that anything alive will devour you. 🔗

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debenture 🔗

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like I mean this here bond and stock stuff you don’t see anybody you don’t know anybody only in the mail and the telephone because that’s how they do it nobody has to see anybody, you can be this here funny lookingest person that lives in a toilet someplace how do they know, I mean like all those guys at the Stock Exchange where they’re selling all this stock to each other? They don’t give a shit whose it is they’re just selling it back and forth for some voice that told them on the phone why should they give a shit if you’re a hundred and fifty all they . . . 🔗

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——to remember his famous line on politics. If they don’t own you, they can’t trust you . . . 🔗

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dĂ©colletage 🔗

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—Stay in music Mister Bast. Stay in music and advise your, your associate here to stay in whatever in the name of God he’s in, where neither of you will ever have to know the value of anything. 🔗

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—Well it is! It is an emotional issue it simply is! because, because there aren’t any, there aren’t any emotions it’s all just reinvested dividends and tax avoidance that’s what all of it is, avoidance the way it’s always been it always will be there’s no earthly reason it should change is there? that it ever could change? 🔗

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The function of this school is custodial. It’s here to keep these kids off the streets until the girls are big enough to get pregnant and the boys are old enough to go out and hold up a gas station, it’s strictly custodial and the rest is plumbing. If these teachers of yours strike just sit still and keep the doors open, by the time these kids have been lying around the house for a week their parents will march the teachers back in at gunpoint. 🔗

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—James will say what he’s always said, that money buys privacy and that’s all it’s good for. 🔗

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Oh Mister, Mister Gibbs? I’m . . . 🔗

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—Jack I didn’t have to see it, the minute they see talent and sensitivity they sabotage it and call it technical it’s not just him they’re after it’s all of us, anybody creative scares them Jack, maybe you don’t know it but they’re after you too because you’re talented and creative I can tell by your hands . . . she seized the one nearest her leaving the curb—just your fingers, the strength of character in your thumb look . . . 🔗

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—Oh I know yes, I have felt he doesn’t bathe often but, no there’s something, something else, when you talk to him he doesn’t look at you but it’s not as though, not like he’s hiding something. He looks like he’s trying to fit what you’re saying into some utterly different, some world you don’t know anything about he’s such an eager little boy but, there’s something quite desolate, like a hunger . . . 🔗

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—Who made the rules?
—The people who made the game. That’s what a game is, if there weren’t any rules there wouldn’t be any game, now sit up. 🔗

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—Mama if God called you doesn’t that mean he would have to kill you first? 🔗

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of . . .
—And what about me! What do you think those nine years have been like for me? You won’t give me anything though, will you Jack. That Ninety-sixth Street tenement when you used to come up there for dinner and we had to wait for him to get his typewriter and papers off the card table so we could eat Jack he’s still working on that play, he’s still rewriting it and changing it and rewriting it he won’t let go of it, he won’t finish it because he’s afraid to compete with himself, it’s himself he’s . . .
—Well look Marian what, as Freud said what the hell is it you want.
—Just a man who, who’s happy with what he’s doing.
—You’re not asking much are you.
—Jack I can’t respect a man who doesn’t respect himself, do you know what he’s like about this job? Do you think we ever talk about anything else? from the minute he comes in the door . . . 🔗

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—Because all of you, all three of you the way you and Tom and, and Schramm the way you find excuses for each other’s failures and I can’t stand being one anymore I might have done something, nobody thinks of that do they I might have . . . 🔗

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—Why didn’t you tell me! he turned for the hall,—why the hell didn’t you tell me when I got here?
—I thought, she said following him—I just wanted . . .
—You just wanted the God damned spotlight a minute longer didn’t you, looked like Schramm was grabbing it with the last thing he’s ever done but you . . .
—But Jack if it . . . they’d reached the door and he pulled it open.—Jack if Schramm’s dead? And, I’m here . . .?
—I, Christ I, you’ve got to have soap opera, Jack I’m going to leave Tom, Ginger I’m going to leave Tony the minute something real happens you have to star in your own God damned soap opera . . . The door slammed, and she’d scarcely turned from it when it shook with his pounding on the other side.—Marian?
She got it open.—What.
—Tom was going to lend me twenty I’ve got to get a cab up there, did he leave it for me?
—No.
—Well he, could you . . .
She turned to the kitchen, put down her glass and opened a cupboard there.—I have ten.
—Fine and, fine thanks, he took it, holding the door,—and Marian one last thing if you think you’re going through with this, you can pull that on anybody else just don’t ever try to tell me again you’re doing it for him, you can lie to Tom, lie to yourself lie to David but don’t ever try to . . . the door came closed flat in his face and he turned sliding one foot toward the elevator, slipped and made for the stairs, down them and out hailing traffic before he reached the curb. 🔗

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—No but if he knocked, I know he knocked at the door he must have! and if I, if I’d been here . . .
—Course it would have helped Tom, cheered Schramm up takes his mind off this mess look at it, young composer running out of barake sitting in this Christ awful mess eating a cupcake enough to cheer up anybody, pulls Schramm in sort of emergency barakē can’t read a God damned word of music’s helping him write an opera? 🔗

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—Well I, no but I still don’t know what happened to him he . . .
—Problem what happened he always woke up the same person went to bed the night before only way he knew it these God damned words going through his head, go to bed knew he’d wake up the same God damned person finally couldn’t take it anymore, same God damned words waiting for him only thing to do get rid of the God damned container for the thing contained, God damned words come around next morning God damned container smashed on the sidewalk no place for them to . . . 🔗

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appearing to listen as shreds of sound escaped sporadic partings of his lips, scribbling a clef, notes, a word, a curve, still reaching fresh pages as light chilled the skewed leaves of the blind, lapsed motionless as it warmed the punctured shade and finally cast it into shadow, coming to abruptly and through to the torrent at the sink with the slap, slap of the straw slipper back to set the cup dangling the teabag string on Moody’s and reach a sharper pencil, a fresh page, pages as shadows rose, crossed, fell, hunched as though listening to bring sounds into being, up in a sudden turn that might have been a pose for the mirrorless wall as though holding them off. 🔗

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—Problem Bast there’s too God damned much leakage around here, can’t compose anything with all this energy spilling you’ve got entropy going everywhere. Radio leaking under there hot water pouring out so God damned much entropy going on think you can hold all these notes together know what it sounds like? Bast? 🔗

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—What, like they’d get pissed off if we sold their ballfield? So if we sell it to the bank let the bank let them play softball and like with these here garages, why should we pay taxes and leases and all so the town can keep some broken down trucks there, I mean let somebody else let them. Like I mean selling something doesn’t change it into something else and like if the bank won’t let them play softball or park their trucks let them get pissed off at the bank, you know? he got a sneaker up on the radiator and started to work on a knot.—So anyway when we get all this here cash . . . 🔗

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—No but holy, I mean listen I’m the one that has to figure things up and like make these here decisions with these risks and all like I mean I barely made it boy, getting this here stockholder suit money in this one account to borrow against in this here other one to get all these forks shipped to pay for all these here bonds which I’d already sent away for them where these here brokers start . . . 🔗

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—I mean like when we went on that field trip where that Diamond Cable Company the president of it said if you’re playing you might as well play to win but you can’t just might as well, he came on skating the towel wad across the floor, gave it a slap shot with his instep.—You can’t just play to play because the rules are only for if you’re playing to win which that’s the only rules there are. 🔗

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Anybody can be a millionaire but a young fellow with a talent like that owes the world something, don’t you think? 🔗

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—Feel me out, I’ll tell you what he wants with his dirty mouth Nora come back to the table, where are you going.
—Just in the bathroom to vomit.
—Well clean up when you’re finished and come back to the table, I’ll tell you what he wants. 🔗

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No now look Nonny, see I’m not asking you what I can do, I’m telling you what I want to do and paying you to find out how I can do it, understand what I . . . 🔗

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deleterious 🔗

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—Coen God damn it can’t you see what I mean? Can’t you see this is what’s going to happen right here, after all it took to put all this together? Can’t you see you go public and all these people owning you want is dividends and running their stock up, you don’t give them that and they sell you out, you do and some bunch of vice presidents some place you never heard of like the ones that turned this out, this wood product they call it, they spot you and launch an offer and all of a sudden you’re working for them trimming and cutting and finally bringing in people to turn something out they don’t care what the hell it is, there’s no pride in their work because what you’ve got them turning out nobody could be proud of in the first place . . . He broke the piece over his knee and stood up with the bottle,—if they’d just understand I’m not just trying to grab this whole show for myself but to keep it doing something that’s, that’s worth doing . . . 🔗

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—Anyhow every year in the spring the circus would show up, but with the animals and all the hay they’d have around I never could go to it with that asthma I had, I couldn’t even go near the parade. So the night it would come to town, there was a hill right up outside the town you could look down from and my father would take me up there in the old open Reo we had, and we’d sit up there and watch the whole thing, just the two of us up there. You couldn’t see everything too clear because it wasn’t all that close and the evening was coming on, but you could see the wagons and horses and the elephants and hear the band playing, you’d get a sudden little breeze that was almost warm and bring the music right up with it, and the lights coming on all along the way, I don’t think we hardly talked at all, and you know? he said, chair tilting back and the jacket gone to the floor again.—Maybe those were the best times I ever had . . . 🔗

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—No no I just, I was just going to say I think you’re . . . he straightened up,—I think your, your breast . . .
—Like I mean just don’t fuck around, okay?
—Yes I, I’m sorry, I . . .
—No come off it, I mean like don’t be sorry man just don’t fuck around.
—Yes well I, I . . .
—Like I mean I just don’t feel like screwing, okay?
—Well, well yes okay . . .
—And like you better go back and look at your sink, I mean it’s coming over the side again . . . 🔗

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—I mean it’s all this messy?
—Yes well this is just the, it’s like a sketch a painter does before he starts painting, to work out the form and structure so every note and measure will . . .
—So like you never heard this, right? I mean how do you know what it even sounds like.
—You don’t yes that’s one of the, you don’t really know till you hear it performed that’s one of the . . .
—Man like you really better talk to Al some time he can really, what was that . . .! she was over Moody’s past him, parting the blind—oh wow, I mean like three, five of them, like these five Porto Ricans down there pushing this car across the street this bus almost wiped them out.
—I’ve seen them before yes I don’t think the car runs at all, they have to push it back and forth for the alternate side of the street parking it’s kind of their clubhouse, they sit in it with a portable radio and . . .
—Man like I don’t care if it’s their fucking clubhouse I mean who wants to walk past it down there in the dark, man.
—Well you, you can stay here if you . . .
—Like where, in the sink?
—No I meant right, right there you can sleep right there . . .
—Here? So where are you supposed to be on the bottom or on top I mean look man, I didn’t sleep any last night I’m really beat I mean if you think you’re going to grab a handful of . . . 🔗

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—Did, did you sleep well, enough?
—Are you kidding? I mean . . . knees fallen wide under the blanket a hand plunged down there,—something’s been sticking me like, I mean like one of your fucking pencils . . . she came up with a square of glass,—like wow . . .
—Oh I’m sorry it’s just, it’s just my . . .
—Like man quit being sorry, it’s your picture of your dick dick . . . and her knees came down in a bounce. It was the first time she’d laughed.—Like is there more grape drink? 🔗

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—No I came to install one if, this is, Bast? I mean are, you’re the lady of the house?
—Like what do I look like the fucking butler? She started to dry a shoulder with the shirt, and stopped.—Look man if you came to install a telephone install a telephone.
—If you just ah, he looked around,—just tell me where you’d . . .
—Come off it man, I mean like you’re this telephone man okay? Like how am I supposed to know where you install a telephone, I mean just install it like they taught you how to install a telephone in telephone man school okay? And she got a foot up on the side of the tub to dry a knee as he turned to hurry a box through the door and knelt beside the film cans opposite her to tear it open.—Man like wait a minute, she paused on a dry knee,—I mean like that’s supposed to be a telephone?
—Call that a picturephone . . . he raised his eyes slightly to her face.
—Are you kidding? She got the other knee up.
—Talk to somebody you see their face right there . . . and he stood as though seeking a vantage point.—Somebody walking the walls here, must have been some great grass.
—Like man there’s nothing here but like Chesterfields, I mean like I have this stash next door but I can’t get in there.
—Why not.
—Like I don’t have the key man.
—Old place like this what do you need a key? He picked up a coathanger. 🔗

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fastidious 🔗

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—Yes but I can’t understand why they’ve turned off the gas but left the electricity on if he owes them twelve . . .
—Turned off everything Bast, Grynszpan just trying to avoid unpleasantness tapped these lines in bypassed the meter save everybody a lot of trouble, whole God damned billing system save Consolided Edison trouble with their God damned billing system, save them postage legal fees all the God damned heartache goes with it, poor God damned meter reader poking around ashcans with his flashlight save him the trouble . . . 🔗

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—Point is whole God damned point is she wants to be taken seriously needs a supporting cast, talented woman never been allowed to do anything sits here all day drinking Mister Clean works up a whole God damned drama has a part for everybody. Arabs Israelis Irish same God damned thing scared maybe nobody takes them seriously, God damned Irish know everybody knows they’re a God damned joke so the worse they get, God damned self-righteous Israelis same God damned thing take the top half of the double boiler leave the Arabs the bottom half everybody so God damned sick of all of them all they do is run around shouting for an audience somewhere to take them seriously same God damned thing, fill this up? Whole God damned problem tastes like apricots, whole God damned problem listen whole God damned problem read Wiener on communication, more complicated the message more God damned chance for errors, take a few years of marriage such a God damned complex of messages going both ways can’t get a God damned thing across, God damned much entropy going on say good morning she’s got a God damned headache thinks you don’t give a God damn how she feels, ask her how she feels she thinks you just want to get laid, try that she says it’s the only God damn thing you take seriously about her puts you out of business and goes running around like the God damned Israelis waving the top half of the double boiler have to tell everybody they’re right. God damned Arabs mad as hell sitting there with the bottom half pretend you take them seriously only thing you want is their God damned oil . . . 🔗

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—Tom boy out here working his way through six N selling greeting cards. What’s the greetings.
—Well see these are all occasion cards, like for all different occasions they’re all . . .
—All occasion cards Tom, got them for all different occasions.
—Like birthday, anniversary, you know all these different occasions like . . .
—Got a friend jumped out a window, got a card for that?
—Well gee I, maybe get well . . .
—Can’t get well, went home and hung himself got a card for that?
—Well gee I, I don’t think so but maybe you could . . .
—Got a woman on alimony sleeping with a book salesman hell of an occasion, got a card for that?
—Well gee I, like here’s sympathy maybe you could . . . 🔗

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—No no that’s the point it wasn’t money, he had a wealthy patroness giving him some every month he’d been working like hell, giving him enough to buy paints and live on the way he lives in that loft he didn’t give a damn for the money it was the paintings, he was giving them to her and never saw them again nobody saw them. She was just locking them away somewhere probably never looked at them herself, nobody saw them and there’s Schepperman thrown out of one White Rose bar we went into the next one pounding the bar about making a statement, dirty flannel shirt hadn’t shaved for a week and he put his face in his hands, he’s bigger than I am and you see that whole back of his shake, pounds the bar again and shouts about making a statement locked up in the dark nobody to see it. One God damn statement after another where nobody could see it and he didn’t give a damn for the money, just his statements shut up where nobody could see them only God damn reason he’d painted them, grabs somebody by the collar shouting is true? is true? and we’re thrown out of that White Rose too . . . 🔗

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I got him twelve thousand dollars for it he didn’t give a God damn but I had to, paid any less that little bastard Davidoff wouldn’t have thought he was a name painter but all Schepperman was excited about was having it hung up there where people can see it . . .
—Tom worst God damn thing you can do help out the God damned artist, comes back bites the nose that spite your face, stuff make you God damned sick Tom better off when he was selling blood to the Red Cross to buy paints stuff really make you sick . . . 🔗

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—Wait wait listen Tom listen, idea make a million dollars God damn it listen. Invent a God damned parlor game where’s the bottle listen, game about divorce sweep the God damned country parlor game call it Divorce how’s that. Every God damned married couple young and old alike sublimate their God damned can’t stand each other can’t afford to split buy the God damned game for ten dollars sublimate their God damned divorce game call it Split make a million dollars how’s that. 🔗

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—Wait God damn it goes here . . . the smallest figure was thrust swaddled from Big A to Yonkers Entries,—land here get custody of the kid one turn just like real life whole now generation God damned young couples sweep the God damned country, go to court draw God damned card says pay wife’s back psychiatrist bills twelve hundred dollars wife passes go collects alimony . . . the only seated, only female figure was shoved arms spread in wild surmise to join a lofty black on Cocky Jane Runs Second on Coast,—lands here caught in motel getting laid loses custody two turns, game for two to four couples play just like real life sweep the God damned country how’s that. 🔗

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—Message for you can’t bring it have to come read it yourself, Tom? God damned message for you left it where you couldn’t miss it kiss goodbye.
—What?
—Kiss God damned goodbye I said . . .! he lurched, caught the handle and the water swirled the imprint of thin lips slightly parted in a lipstick blot on the square of tissue and drew it down, a hand of his came up to touch his lips and fell,—hell I come in here for . . . he made the hall,—Tom . . .? 🔗

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believing and shitting two very different things 🔗

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Beyond them a furred croup of ursine magnitude emerged from the cavernous shelter of the limousine. 🔗

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—Yes well to get a grant you have to be a novelist not a playwright but you have to be writing a play not a novel 🔗

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—Yes sir I’ve called Mister Bast a number of times at a number given me by Mister Crawley but the secretary who answers sounds, frankly sir she sounds like she’d never got past fourth grade, Mister Bast always seems to have just stepped away from his desk and has never returned a call. Another number given me by this Piscator person for Mister Bast’s uptown headquarters office is evidently incorrect, a young lady who answered told me to ah, simply replied with an obscenity and hung up, the only other number I’ve been given proved to be a pay telephone somewhere on Long Island and . . . 🔗

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—Yes sir but, excuse me but wouldn’t it serve Mister Stamper better to go directly to the National Institutes of Health for the . . .
—Not Stamper’s damn heart Beaton point’s where the damn cobalt’s coming from use it as an additive or find it in the water, find some damn brewery using water where it occurs could mean a deposit around somewhere last thing we need right now some damn fool coming up with that. Call Crawley about this Diamond tender tell him Stamper’s trying to reach him about some damn fool movie they’re making, sent Monty a memo on it says they want to shoot hippies in the National Parks probably even the damn Interior Department can’t issue permits for that.
—Yes sir I saw a copy of the memo and I believe that was a typographical error sir, I saw the film and their intention appears to be to shoot hippos . . . 🔗

id842542013

—That’s it Bast grace, did your homework didn’t you, and I think you’ve captured it. Find some game’s about as graceful as a hatrack till it moves and then this grace comes in yes, all these notes here looks like you’ve got a lot of movement in here and I think you’ve captured it Bast, remarkable, just remarkable. Just tell me something, Bast. When you sit down to compose, do you hear this tumti tumti tum and then get it right down on paper? or . . .
—Yes well that’s a little difficult to . . .
—No no don’t try to explain it to me probably wouldn’t understand it if you did, prodigious Bast, prodigious, that grandeur we talked about I can almost feel it right here in my hands . . . and the case came up briefly—just the sheer bulk of it, spared nothing have you.
—Yes well I felt you’d want it scored for full orchestra and of course dealing with ninety-five instruments is . . .
—Each playing its part to fill the screen with the breath of life, to make us feel the vastness of the plains, the purple mountains’ majesty all down in these little hentracks. Ever happen to read a novel called Trilby, Bast?
—Well no I don’t think I . . .
—Probably a little before your time yes but there’s a passage in there I never forgot, the man standing there at the piano staring at the music can’t read a note and he can’t play. All the soaring tones and rapturous sounds that could express his highest dreams and desires right there in front of him and he can’t get at them, yes of course that was all back in the days before tapes and records so we won’t have that happen here will we. 🔗

id842543665

More than half a century there Ray-X was a really prosperous toy company you know but when these peace scares started and you had all these mothers marching around boycotting every toy in sight their inventory backed right up, all the usual kiddie toys machineguns carbines pistols grenade launchers bazookas warehouses full of them and they had to come up with a whole line of new products. 🔗

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—Or sitting him down to two hours of plunking on a piano, now let me talk to you like a Dutch uncle for a moment Mister Bast because I must be frank to tell you I feel you’ve been spreading yourself a bit too thin. A look at this, this score as you call it while I listen in vain for the sound of music leaves me little choice but to believe that your recent rise in the world of business and finance has turned your head from your real vocation, and that what you originally regarded as quite a decent fee for this commission has paled before the rewards you now find within your reach. I don’t like the word slacker Mister Bast but I must say your intention here appears to have been simply to bring this work to a hasty conclusion and get on with these expanding business ventures you’ve been sitting here discussing all this time.
—No but no but . . .
—And if I may even go a bit further to say it appears that the more others make an effort to help you, the less effort you seem to make to help yourself. That may sound harsh but perhaps I failed to make myself clear when we were discussing Trilby earlier, Mister Bast. Not all of us have been given your unique gifts, and when I feel you are using them to satisfy what has struck me on more than one occasion as an almost unhealthy preoccupation with money, I am bound to tell you so sir. When you turn these gifts to accomplishing ends any of us are capable of we are all the losers for it Mister Bast, be content to leave these details of leasebacks and writeoffs to us who toil in the vineyards and look to you to lift our eyes up to the stars while standing in the damn trouserleg sliding down again there can you just get it back up for me? 🔗

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—And of course you realize I can’t pay you anything on this little project of ours as it stands, can I. My partner wouldn’t hear of it but even if I wished to myself, I feel that such a gesture at this stage could destroy the very incentive I hope to see rekindled. You see I still have confidence in you sir, or should I say in the artist who dwells within you, the artist who disdains such mundane details as selecting a fresh shirt in the morning, who steps forth into the workaday world the rest of us inhabit indifferent to the glances he draws because his shoes fail to match, why? Because his mind has been elsewhere, his inner ear tuned to the sonorous tones of horn and kettledrum, tones it is his sacred duty to let us hear with him. I have the confidence he will and you must too sir, and to show you the measure of mine Mister Bast I’m going to double the ante. 🔗

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—Drinks scotch doesn’t he? Matter of fact I met him recently in that snug harbor around the corner from the Post Office and he pressed a book on me called The Rise of the Meritocracy, great ideas in it Major I’d pass it along if I thought you could read. Pay these kids salaries instead of giving them grades and they might learn what America’s all about. 🔗

id843069565

—Yes well of course I’m sure they didn’t expect ahm, rear entry while sitting I believe Father Haight mentioned as something quite ahm, unexpected that is to say apparently that was the only ahm the only sequence he . . . 🔗

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—But, these . . .?
—Yes hold that up Dan, what you were just discussing isn’t it Whiteback? What was that word you were looking for, pudenda? or would you call that a proscribed opening.
—Yes but no I . . .
—Used to call it hair pie back where I came from that is to say, yes hold that one up too Dan. Looks like she’s working up a frothy little selection on the old licorice stick nothing pansy about that either is there Major, must be the one Whiteback just finished telling Mrs Joubert to use in her television lesson to show us what America’s all . . .
—Yes but she yes that’s why she looked so . . .
—Modest I think you said, can’t really blame her of course can you, in fact if this is what really happens on those field trips I might like to go along on one myself Whiteback, if you think she’d . . .
—Yes but no I thought I’d put those, that whole pile I thought it was right here, I didn’t know I’d left it right out where she could . . .
—Sound like Vogel, he just told me it looked so nice out this morning he thought he’d leave it out all day too. 🔗

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—Major for the last time shut up and listen, all we’ve got left to protect here is a system that’s set up to promote the meanest possibilities in human nature and make them look good. Dan was paid to make Whiteback look good he couldn’t do it and he’s out. Whiteback’s been paid to make me look good he hasn’t done it and he’s out too Major and that’s what America’s all about, but if you think I’m going to try to make you look good over there shitting bullets in that emergency waste disposal system of yours when they come over the hill after you . . . 🔗

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Behind, the door marked Principal bunged in hollow leavetaking of the evasively level stare still cheaply framed high on the wall, still ferreting vacancy for that widely held determination to move courageously toward the prospect of going out and buying a refrigerator or something similarly useful and desirable, still fixing its indifference with benign reproof; before, the face all simple purpose across the corridor suffered a tic, reduced the future and extended the past by twenty seconds; beyond, the cheer of rushing water escaped the sweep of the door marked Boys. 🔗

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—Spend a minute here helping you with your sling though and who’s to say where my glance may fall, around this way yes here we are, resting on one white hand a warm wet cheek there doesn’t that smell of sweat get to you now? The air’s saturated, comes on like nostalgia for places we’ve hated doesn’t it, knew you hated it the day you walked in and that’s the moment you have to tell yourself to never forget, that moment you walked in hating it and knew you were right hating it or you’ll be sucked in by the past Dan, look back on it kindly if only because it’s your own, finally all you’ve got and to leave that behind . . . 🔗

id843104174

there’s this one thing I had this neat idea, see I been getting these requests for like interviews and all see so I got this here little tape recorder which when I talk on it then when you play it you just hold back on the tape like so it goes real slow and the voice goes way down you know? like it sounds like I’m like fifty, you know? See so I can send you these here tapes and . . . no but wait hey . . . 🔗

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—Look I’m in a hurry but boy Nonny I mean don’t you ever say I told you to do something illegal I mean what do you think I got you for! I mean if I want to do something illegal what do I want with a lawyer I mean holy shit where do you think we are over at Russia? where they don’t let you do anything? These laws are these laws why should we want to do something illegal if some law lets us do it anyway like selling these looms in this U S aid progr am at South America that’s this U S money coming back here like did we invent this tax break we get with it? 🔗

id843105959

I know it that’s what I’m telling you! Tell them to go ahead like it is that’s how we’re advertising it, just it’s green that’s all we’re saying. It’s green . . .! Okay it’s true isn’t it? Why should it have to mean anything! It’s green, explanation point. That’s all we need to . . . I said it’s green explanation point! That’s all we . . . That’s what I just said didn’t I . . .! the doors crashed open,—gee Mrs Joubert I . . . 🔗

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—Yes look up at the sky look at it! Is there a millionaire for that? But her own eyes dropped to her hand on his shoulder as though to confirm a shock at the slightness of what she held there.—Does there have to be a millionaire for everything?
—Sure well, well no I mean like . . .
—And over there look, look. The moon coming up, don’t you see it? Doesn’t it make . . .
—What over there? He ducked away as though for a better view,—No but that’s, Mrs Joubert? that’s just, wait . . .
—No never mind, it doesn’t matter . . . 🔗

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first time in history so many opportunities to do so God damned many things not worth doing 🔗

id846257365

—Get a black suit and just freeload, problem it’s too God damned late now even to be any of the things I never wanted to be. 🔗

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getting about the place uneven gaited with a kind of deliberate cunning as though outmaneuvering gravity 🔗

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—You did tell me once about a book you . . .
—Write twelve books have one ready for . . .
—Jack please! don’t, start behaving the way you did on the train it’s just, it just isn’t . . .
—Isn’t what! Told you on the train all I’ve ever done my whole God damned life spent it preparing, time comes all I’ve got is seven kinds of fine God damned handwriting only God damned thing they’re good for is misquoting other people’s . . . 🔗

id846264719

It was always a game he had to win, playing against him and helping him win. 🔗

id846265953

—But not as much as a woman with a woman . . . and she caught her breast away from him crowding beside her, brushing the warmth of her throat, lips lingering at her ear and then his tongue abruptly tracing its details, hand gone from breast to breast under the robe until they went crushed under her as he came to one elbow to sweep its yellow from all the whiteness of her back. From his her own hand came, measuring down firmness of bone brushed past its prey to stroke at distances, to climb back still more slowly, fingertips gone in hollows, fingers paused weighing shapes that slipped from their inquiry before they rose confirming where already they could not envelop but simply cling there fleshing end to end, until their reach was gone with him coming up to a knee, to his knees over her back, hands running to the spill of hair over her face in the pillow and down to declivities and down, cleaving where his breath came suddenly close enough to find its warmth reflected, tongue to pierce puckered heat lingering on to depths coming wide to its promise, rising wide to the streak of its touch, gorging its stabs of entrance aswim to its passage rising still further to threats of its loss suddenly real, left high agape to the mere onslaught of his gaze knees locked to knees thrust deep in that full symmetry surged back against him, surges his hands on either side bit deep as though in their possession all her eloquent blood spoke in her cheeks till he came down full weight upon her, face gone over her shoulder seeking hers in the pillow’s muffling sounds of wonder until they both went still, until a slow turn to her side she gave him up and ran raised lips on the wet surface of his mouth. 🔗

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quiescent 🔗

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—Jack? Have you ever seen one? really?
—A cigarette?
—A flea circus, they don’t really dress them up in little clothes and train them to pull carts and things? Why would, who would do that?
—Just somebody who . . . he cleared his throat in the dark,—maybe just somebody afraid of failing at something worth doing . . .
—But if they really do it they must think it’s worth doing, she turned on her face away from him,—the only bad failure’s at something you knew wasn’t worth doing in the first place. Isn’t it? 🔗

id846273242

—if we can get in these here bellies he said and I asked him what on earth he was talking about, that bleak little Vansant boy and it’s not funny, really. He’s so earnest so, he thinks there’s a millionaire behind everything he sees and that’s all he does see, it’s just all so sad really.
—Know what you mean, I owe him a dollar.
—Do you I owe him eighty cents, if he were, if only he weren’t so eager about all the wrong things, they’re not bad things really just, things . . .
—What do you mean not bad things, ever seen him in the Post Office with that kid with the head like a toothbrush? that Hyde kid? See them in there together getting their mail you suddenly know what the industrial military complex is all about. 🔗

id846274159

—Thinking about that book I, about trying to get back to work on that book I . . .
—Would you? I’ve been afraid to ask, I’ve been almost afraid it wasn’t true . . . her hand skimmed down,—you told me what it was about once but . . .
—About a lot of things it’s, can’t say what a book’s about before it’s done that’s what any book worth reading’s about, problem solving. 🔗

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—But the authors Mister Davidoff, the writers . . .
—Best thing ever happened to them ask Duncan here, come in spouting art and literature what they really mean’s a big advance on royalties, book finally comes out at fifteen dollars sells two thousand copies they blame him blame the reviewers blame tv blame everything but production costs and your little old lady at the Shady Nook book store spouting art and literature rakes off half wet her pants when the paperbacks came out spread culture grabbed the mass market now you pay hardcover prices for paperbacks, what pays production costs for your tv spectaculars what keeps the Times on the street what keeps Virginia where’s that old New Yorker magazine lying around here . . . 🔗

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—it’s not the kids, if they find a Cheerios or Reese Peanutbutter Cups spread in the middle of their math lesson they’ll think it’s a ball it’s not the kids, it’s the parents that make the trouble brought up with tv they ought to be used to love stories documentaries mysteries all that bla bla bla break off for clogged sinks underarms . . .
—But Miss, Mister Davidoff surely you don’t intend to accept advertising for such things as deodor . . .
—Don’t worry about it Beamish see what she’s spreading out for Duncan right here all pegged to the grade level . . .
—Gum cereals candy bars all that stuff and junk is the primary grades bikes sports equipment records seventh and eighth on up nothing till French Three and advanced algebra on deodorants tampons all that bla bla bla . . .
—Here’s a cute one they just came up with for ninth grade algebra once the USDA opens up and the trademark’s registered, smoky letters rising out of the grass here see them? I’m Mary Jane, fly me. Gets the idea right across Skinner got that title page? Motto running right along here under your Duncan and Skinner colophon bringing the world into the classroom and the classroom into the world gimmick Skinner here came up with, dug out this name educator Thomas Dewey for the PW announcement of this children’s encyclopedia turned it into a crash project, team of salesmen out blanketing the city with samples of volume four pull in enough orders for the set we can go through with the other nine paying half cent a word all that ad space bypass your little old lady at Shady Nook hit your educable public right in the supermarket where they live ought to retail at the price of a package of what’s this Virginia . . . 🔗

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—Advertising Beamish sell advertising mail the magazine free to a guaranteed audience, put out a mag like Her play the numbers game with your ad accounts spend five dollars to get subscriptions you sell for four and lose our shirts like the rest of them, She hits the stands and they’ll all line up like dominoes target your ads in on your guaranteed audience you’ll see boat magazines free to boat owners sex mags free to kids and singles photo mags free to camera buffs just get the lists knock out this five percent return on direct mail and your ad boys will pay the difference to know who they’re reaching . . .
—Age lines nerves headaches flabby thighs small busts oily skin cracked nails split ends all that bla bla bla . . . 🔗

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. . . must have seen a first speech draft joke the Boss came up with about a book called The Yellow Stream by I P Daily thought it might break the ice but . . . 🔗

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—Just brought in Stamper for window dressing Beamish, hunting crony of his see the big game film those two put together million zebras running for their lives you’d paint stripes on your ass and run too, rides around his end of Texas in a Cadillac can of beer in his hand answering police calls converted his old slave cabins to fancy guest cottages I just heard he got so mad when he saw his new tax assessment he went out and burned them all down, big overgrown kid never got past fourth grade Bast told me once the Boss never got out of sixth frankly sometimes I believe it, he runs that assay on the water at Wonder Brewery comes across smaltite traces and has Nonny put in for a mineral depletion allowance tipped his hand to the FDA coming down hard on cobalt safety levels now Milliken jumps in to protect home industry only thing they had besides sheep and Indians till he suddenly gets the idea his state is one big cobalt nickel arsenic deposit looks over the stockpile scene and hauls the Undersecretary up before his committee on the contract he negotiated for Typhon to set up this smelting operation in Gandia and buy it back as surplus, supply U S cobalt stockpile requirements from it and sell the nickel and anything else they come up with on the side wherever Pythian Overseas has a market, that’s who your other party in this deal is Beamish I’ve worked with Moncrieff nobody to tangle assholes with . . . 🔗

id847155801

. . . the football team yes sir however certain alumni active in the football team’s behalf feel that it might sound . . . No sir that Haight U sir might be misinterpreted as sounding . . . the proper aggressive spirit for the gridiron yes sir however the cheerlead . . . going coeducational yes sir the cheerlead . . . the university’s major academic attraction yes sir the cheerlead . . . sir? 🔗

id847160805

—It’s that Mister Beamish . . .
—Beamish? what’s, excuse me Mister Bast here hello, Beamish? where . . . In the lobby downstairs? what . . . All right yes make it quick Mister Bast and I putting our heads together here on . . . 🔗

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id847169512

—She said he sounded quite ecstatic to learn that two billion dollars was spent on funerals last year and you simply must tell him the death rate is climbing steadily imagine, only a hundred and eighty million funerals in America since our dear country was born and we count on two hundred million in just the next forty-five years!
—Yes well I’m, I know he’ll be delighted yes he . . . 🔗

id847169833

—Yes well I’m sure he hasn’t, never even heard of it no he just bought into this nursing home stock when it first . . .
—Yes how frightfully thoughtful of him all these old dear persons no one wants underfoot to pasture them off in great dank government hospitals at public expense would be quite unthinkable and simply reek of socialism of course free enterprise owes them the dignity of private care after all they’ve done to make our dear country what it is and Mother tells me you have a Senator person leading the good fight for Eldercare so there won’t be those dreary scenes over unpaid bills, and of course the idea of discreet signs placed tastefully about suggesting our services Mother was utterly charmed but I think not in the room itself do you? No near the exits for visitors leaving that delicious old dear person all tucked up in beddy perhaps for the last time just a hint of stained glass and the simplest of messages Uncle Arthur suggested a hearse with the line getting there is half the fun so outrĂ© Mother and I thought simply Wagner is ready when you are or do you like they, when they are, of course we thought of when He is but one really must tread on tippy toes it makes Him sound rather like an abductor don’t you think? Or don’t you think . . .
—Well I really don’t think . . .
—No of course not Mother feels understatement is always best and I think she’s less than enraptured with your J R person’s notion of little booths set up in the nursing home lobbies to sell the entire package, prostheses the nursing care funeral plot and stone 🔗

id847170776

—What fun yes I’m right there in the Towers you know there’s none in my suite but I’ll have them rush one in instantly goodbye, auf Wiedersehen Mister Bast au voir it’s such a joy to be included in the family oh! I’d meant to pay our cabby but Mother sent me off with nothing but fifties . . . 🔗

id847650697

—Oh, oh yes well . . . yes I heard you yes selling at one sixty-eight but he hasn’t said anything to me ab . . . that you might be interested in making a deal I’ll tell him Mister . . . what? Girl? no where . . .
—Man like how come you never got circumcised?
—Oh you, oh you mean you have a picturephone too . . .? No no I, I see you up there now yes well goodbye Mister Leva thank . . .
—Oh wow . . . a splat of suds ran down 24-One Pint Mazola New Improved. 🔗

id847651275

plunk . . . plunka plunk . . . â€”Look Al I’m sorry but I’m trying to . . .
—Man like don’t be sorry I mean go ahead . . .
—Yes but your guit . . .
—No like go ahead I mean I’m for like everybody doing what they want to man, plunka plunka plunk . . .
—Look you don’t understand I’m . . .
—Like why not man I mean that’s how it ought to be like everybody doing what they want to do man, like I mean I’m for everybody doing what they want to do, plunk plunk plunka . . .—like I mean what’s that.
—What.
—Like that arrow you just made.
—What this? It’s a diminuendo don’t you, you read music don’t you?
Plunk—like why do I want to read music man I mean I play music, like that’s what music is isn’t it man? I mean I play my own music what do I want to like read it for.
—Oh.
—Man like I play what I feel I mean not what some other cat writes for me to feel . . . plunk plunk plunka—like I mean I’m not one of your cats that has to sit down and play what some other cat hears I mean I make my own sound man . . . plunk. 🔗

id847651371

—Then like come up with one . . .
—Man like there’s four of you I mean you’re this whole cemetery like if you can’t come up with one how can he get you this booking man, like time is money I mean what about Chairman Meow like I mean did you go to Jersey?
—Like, what day is it.
—Man like how do I know what day is it I mean if you went to Jersey it’s like Thursday right? She stooped back to the tub, came up tossing sandals 🔗

id847651613

—Come off it man like other people I mean like who, like I mean somebody’s getting paid to be this weather forecaster someplace telling you fair and warm while you’re like up to your ass in this blizzard I mean like who does anything man, I mean somebody gets a job and like the first thing they do they try to figure out how to not do it I mean look at you man, like this business job with all this mail and calls and these presents like only you’re up all night trying to make this four hundred dollars writing this music for some band that’s getting this money free to play it? Like I mean what’s the difference if you get help off that and Al gets it off this welfare, I mean like you’re both in music and like you weren’t even very nice to him man. 🔗

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Chairman Meow 🔗

id847652739

—What all this crap that was with them?
—Yes it’s the, they send out this literature to their stockholders to keep . . .
—Literature? I mean like you call this literature man?
—No no I don’t they do it’s all, it’s quarterly reports and . . .
—This reduced fully diluted shares outstanding by sixteen percent which had the effect after imputed interest on like you call that literature man I mean I call it bullshit . . . Paper tore,—wow.
—What . . .
—The telephone bill, it’s like one thousand eight hundred seventy-six dollars, I mean man you owe them like two thousand dollars and so far you take in like forty-five cents I mean . . . 🔗

id847653033

May I hope that my prayer could reach and touch heart which is always batting for the poor. I beg my God to give you hundred fold. Yours truly and miserable man like I mean how can you pronounce Srskić . . .
—Well I, I don’t know but it’s . . .
—I mean like why don’t you send them those deluxe barbeque tools and this fucking computer for broiling steaks man . . .
—Look, I don’t . . .
—I mean her husband’s sitting there in no underwear without hope of guerishing man like you could send him that electric heated towel stand that came yesterday to hang his pijame on while his neckties rotate and Mrs Zrk is running around with the deluxe barbeque tools waiting for this solid state computer to boil their steaks and chops to perf . . . 🔗

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—Yes but, I mean when I’m trying to work and not thinking about something to talk about I . . .
—Man like you always think you’re trying to work and like you never have something to talk about, I mean like except you’re pretty big in the sack there you’re like not very interesting.
—Well why should I be interesting! I mean, I mean I want my work to be interesting but why do I have to be interesting! I mean everybody’s trying to be interesting let them I’m just, I’m just doing something I have to do so I can try to do what I hope I . . . 🔗

id847663782

Well you can’t have them delivered to Mister Brisboy’s hotel no I met him he’s a real, really enthusiastic but . . . yes he wanted me to tell you the death rate should rise twenty percent in the next ten years I said I knew you’d be delighted now look . . . 🔗

id847667570

—What like signed on the back? I mean endorse them then like just sign a fucking x on the back what do they want for thirty cents, Abraham Lincoln’s autograph? 🔗

id847667975

—What man at least we could what, I mean he just gave you some rent didn’t he? And I mean like you weren’t even very nice to him, man I mean this one time I ever saw you before you’re up here that night waving this bottle around with like one shoe and I mean now you come on like you’re this really different person, man like I mean really up tight you know?
—Yes well listen . . .
—I mean you just come in here all at once from like nowhere and everybody should drop dead while you look for your Tootsie Rolls and this great folder with cheese and tomatoes like it’s War and Peace I mean what . . . 🔗

id847670352

He was back in muttering, dug out a cigarette and lit it before he came down to the sofa—forty million tax credits Christ thought he was up here writing music what the hell he’s been, where was I . . . he picked up the folder, set the enchilada can on Moody’s—get anything done here ought to just let the God damned thing ring, consoled only by the fact that Madame Bernhardt had allowed herself to be photographed in a yellow mackintosh as ungainly as his for the jaunt, Wilde still knew no country in the world where machinery is so lovely as in America. I have always wished to believe that the line of strength and the line of beauty are one. That wish was realized when I contemplated American machinery. It was not until I had seen the waterworks at Chicago that I realized the wonders of machinery. The rise and fall of the steel rods, the symmetrical motion of great wheels is the most beautifully rhythmic thing I have ever seen. Spread broadcast, this particular aesthetic experience of Wilde’s was now leveling men’s claims to being absolutely equal since they were absolutely free, the symmetrical motions of those great wheels homogenizing their no, no wait spread broadcast, this wait. On less aesthetic levels, Wilde’s experience spread broadcast leveling no damn it leveling levels wait. In less aesthetic versions, the symmetrical motions were, motions were, no, no elsewhere. Elsewhere the symmetrical motion . . . he tapped ashes into the enchiladas, tapped one foot against the other on Thomas Register.—Leveling men’s claims to being absolutely equal since they were absolutely free, the symmetrical motion of, symmetrical motion of God damn it, the symmetrical motion . . . he sat there tapping,—where the hell did that come from . . . and he had the guitar by the throat, plucked it, cradled it and strummed a chord—can’t be his no whole God damned thing’s out of tune . . . he hunched over it trying strings, tightening keys—owner must be a deaf mute . . . he plucked, tried chords, loosened a key, tightened one, tried a string, a chord, a bar—thing of Granados how the hell does it go . . . he made a fresh start. Another. The long hand crept from NO DEPOSIT, passed the short, the second hand swept past them both to NO RETURN, reappeared and was gone—almost had it that time God damn it just try to get anything done here . . . 🔗

id847672437

. . . Haven’t even been out to eat up here all day working yes, hardly get through one God damned sentence people at the door phone ringing gets calls from every . . . no just trying to help him out sounds like he has about twenty part time jobs left here this morning with an armload of music Indian headdress God knows just trying not to think about it, I . . . 🔗

id847675650

Foot tapped foot on Thomas Register as he dug for matches,—follows so God damned well though how can I leave out a whole page never miss it, skipped a whole God damned page never even missed it probably ought to take it right out speed up the Christ . . . his feet came down—start thinking that way be nothing left of it but the God damned title right back where I started . . . He came forward, picked up the roll of film—end up reduce the title to a God damned period give an intelligent reader the essence of the whole God damned thing . . . 🔗

id847677570

. . . pardon? the tub . . .? Oh you have a picturephone too . . .? No, no you just happened to catch me on location here Mister Leva, making a little film ourselves story about an Estonian refugee family, father’s a blind diamond cutter daughter’s just lost her . . . oh you did? Yes, yes I see your fat face up there now always wondered Mister Leva, are you German? Hungarian . . .? No no didn’t mean that no just the general level of vulgar stupidity you . . . 🔗

id847919199

No man I mean look, I mean you don’t give news to newspapers you get news out of newspapers like I mean that’s what newspapers are man, like I mean if you’re this newspaper and you want to know if some underground explosion is dangerous I mean go read your fucking newspap . . . 🔗

id847981274

—Typing what. Man I mean you’re like waiting this hundred years for this big chance so everybody should drop dead when you come in and find this dirty folder and these Tootsie Roll notes and then I mean I come back and you’re like sitting here stoned watching this wad of gum out the . . . 🔗

id847981763

—Sixteen years like living with a God damned invalid sixteen years every time you come in sitting there waiting just like you left him wave his stick at you, plump up his pillow cut a paragraph add a sentence hold his God damned hand little warm milk add a comma slip out for some air pack of cigarettes come back in right where you left him, eyes follow you around the room wave his God damned stick figure out what the hell he wants, plump the God damned pillow change bandage read aloud move a clause around wipe his chin new paragraph God damned eyes follow you out stay a week, stay a month whole God damned year think about something else, God damned friends asking how’s he coming along all expect him out any day don’t want bad news no news rather hear lies, big smile out any day now, walk down the street God damned sunshine begin to think maybe you’ll meet him maybe cleared things up got out by himself come back open the God damned door right there where you left him . . . 🔗

id847986422

—Move a clause plump the God damned pillow doesn’t matter wave his stick doesn’t matter cut a paragraph hands on his God damned throat squeeze the whole God damned thing down to a period hate it! 🔗

id847986580

—Man like that’s what people want’s books that tell them what they already know, I mean that’s why they’re all such bullshit get my foot out of under your, ow . . . she drew its moccasined heel up hung on the sofa’s edge her fallen leg’s length from his perch there on H-O—like I mean look at all the fucking books in this place who asked you to write another one anyhow.
—Said I would.
—Like said to who, I mean that’s this big important call you’re waiting for? 🔗

id847986699

—What man ever what . . . her hand came down from the flexed knee scratching—I mean that’s like I always said I’ll be this model you know? Like I used to read all these dumb comic books like Millie the Model when I’m like ten and I mean I already have these little dippeldutters like her up in that picture so I’m going to grow up and be this big model you know? Like if I can’t be it I’m nothing, I mean I break my ass so like finally I’m out looking and they tell me my nose shadows wrong and my tits are too big and I mean I really came down man, I mean I’m really nothing, only like there’s always like somebody crowding me up trying to slip it in you know? I mean I even meet this big model that’s like going to help me out and I mean she’s climbing on too and I’m finally thinking like wow, like I mean which one is real, I mean like I changed and this big idea from when I’m like ten didn’t change and it’s still hanging me up, you know . . .? her hand dropped to scratch the dry mound,—like I mean I’m the one that ought to write this book, you know? 🔗

id847987039

—Man like doesn’t everybody? I mean gluing that quarter out there typing this great book with no paper in the fucking typewriter I mean you’re, you’re going to wake up like Schramm coming up the . . . 🔗

id847992695

—Like I mean you forget how you know? I mean like hating all these wise-ass generals and fucked up presidents we get and like these banks and faceless reverend garbage peels and asshole politicians I mean it’s just this big drag and like you forget, you know? I mean like really how to hate? 🔗

id847993700

—I mean like when I finally find out I’m fine like just who I am, and I mean this model I always said I’ll be like I find out all this time I really hate her you know? I mean I’m breaking my ass and she’s like making me hate who I really am, you know? 🔗

id847999235

—How could I what I mean he’s sitting here scraping it up with his feet like what am I supposed to do, I mean he hates it man.
—Hates it don’t be, it’s the only thing holding him together reason he’s working on it again I told you this call he just got, she’s . . .
—What man she’s what, I mean I’m telling you nothing’s holding him together man she’s why he hates it! I mean the telephone rings he says it’s the wrong number, like this big important call he says he already got it he won this free dance lesson man I mean you’re in there talking to her like she’s this big fucking inspiration I mean this load she put on him she’s really wiped him out man he doesn’t want to see her!
—Sounds to me like you’re . . .
—I mean you’re supposed to be this big important novelist and you don’t even get that? I mean he’s got this book so screwed up with this free dance lesson he comes out feeling like I said I don’t need your hand right there man if you . . . 🔗

id848000750

—I mean that’s all that’s left for you isn’t it my ass and this tea stain folder isn’t it, I mean you’re telling this chick on the phone how you’re this big important writer how Jack’s this big friend of yours all the time you’re putting him down like he’s some schmuck like you’re telling me she’s this cold stiff I mean I saw those scars down him man, like I mean all this passion and intimacy you’re telling me I don’t know what it is man I mean that was some free fucking dance lesson you don’t trust him none of you trust anybody you’re all scared shitless of it aren’t you, I mean he’s so hung up on this book he’s scared to lose this lousy opinion of himself that’s why none of you can . . . 🔗

id848013515

—Christ look can’t you see it wasn’t any of that! it was, it was worse than that? It was whether what he was trying to do was worth doing even if he couldn’t do it? whether anything was worth writing even if he couldn’t write it? Hopping around with that God damned limp trying to turn it all into something more than one more stupid tank battle one more stupid God damned general, trying to redeem the whole God damned thing by . . . 🔗

id848014907

—Anemia swollen lymph nodes astronomical white count how God damned real do you want it to be! Kills thirty thousand a year chronic and acute models, chronic lets you hang around a year or two tell all your friends goodbye twenty times, mine looks like the God damned sports model get there faster now do you . . .
—So you’re going to sit here in wet clothes and . . .
—Going to sit here with Freddie drink this God damned grape drink and eat this God damned veal Marengo aren’t we Freddie, read aloud from Skyscraper Management have a few choruses on the guitar and wait for the God damned telephone to look out there she is . . .! 🔗

id848015320

—Yes and Carol I was telling you did I tell you? what she said? She asked me if it was interesting, if my novel was interesting imagine asking a novelist that? if his novel’s interesting? 🔗

id848015483

—I just meant look I mean being objective Jack facing it honestly instead of this turning it into this Tolstoy play this, to make the whole world know what it lost that’s all I’m saying, this I shall write nothing the world will have to understand all by itself . . .
—Even take this away wouldn’t you Tom, even try to take this away wouldn’t you.
—All right listen do you know what I found on the floor here cleaning up? Your notes all your notes for this book I put them up here look, footmarks pages torn look at them Jack it was all over before you found this out wasn’t it, before you even went down to the hosp . . .
—Like that string there, God damned wad of gum on that string out there rain or shine hope they’d get that God damned quarter you couldn’t even let them have that, could you Tom. 🔗

id848016319

—No now wait damn it this book is that what you mean this book? this excuse you’ve got now for not writing this book you’ve been . . .
—Excuse Tom Jesus!
—I just meant look I mean being objective Jack facing it honestly instead of this turning it into this Tolstoy play this, to make the whole world know what it lost that’s all I’m saying, this I shall write nothing the world will have to understand all by itself . . .
—Even take this away wouldn’t you Tom, even try to take this away wouldn’t you.
—All right listen do you know what I found on the floor here cleaning up? Your notes all your notes for this book I put them up here look, footmarks pages torn look at them Jack it was all over before you found this out wasn’t it, before you even went down to the hosp . . .
—Like that string there, God damned wad of gum on that string out there rain or shine hope they’d get that God damned quarter you couldn’t even let them have that, could you Tom.
—No now wait . . .
—You hungry Freddie?
—No wait listen can’t you see what I, Jack I stopped at a diner last night on the way down sitting alone at that counter I could feel a, grilled cheese sandwich I could almost feel a head inside mine chewing I could hear it like a hollow, like an old head like an old head inside mine chewing I even looked around to see if anybody else heard it or, or saw it God can’t you see what . . . 🔗

id848080695

—Where do you ever get it borrow it, that’s all you ever talk about building these here assets so you can borrow another three five ten what’s the difference it’s just numbers isn’t it? Just numbers on paper half the time you don’t even know where the dot goes you don’t even . . . 🔗

id848084653

And I mean anyway there’s this whole law which you can’t loan money off banks to go buy stock with it on top of you even told me that time on the phone you’re not selling it, I mean that’s what’s this here tremendous like disappointment you know Bast? I mean like you didn’t have any confidence in this here whole enterprise and like all this here corporate loyalty where we used each other and all like you didn’t even hardly be . . . 🔗

id848130048

—Because a bank sells my stock and gets me fired for selling it and then somebody sues me while you’re running around getting loans for this here asset to borrow against for this here new asset to look haven’t I told you to stop? when the whole thing started? just stop and let somebody help you pull things together instead of this more! more! The more you get the hungrier you get by this time you don’t even know how much you, I mean who would believe it who would be, any of it who would believe it.
—No but that’s what you do! I mean where they said if you’re playing anyway so you might as well play to win but I mean even when you win you have to keep playing! Like these brokers these underwriters these banks everything you do somebody’s getting this percent for theirself this commission this here interest where they all know each other so they’re fixing up these deals giving you all this here advice which they’re these big experts how am I supposed to stop everything! 🔗

id848130518

—No wait see it’s these whole different things, see where these here stockholders say you screwed them it’s like this thing you did just for yourself see only this thing today I wouldn’t get arrested because everything I did I’m like acting for the corporation, I mean that’s the thing of this here limited reliability you know? See where these new directors get pissed off at me for this here erotic management only I’m like acting for the corporation doing all this stuff for these here stockholders with this limited reliability it’s like the corporation did it itself which you can’t go put a corporation in jail, I mean it would be like sticking this bunch of papers in jail see so . . . 🔗

id848130890

—I mean where school’s always this bunch of crap which it never has anything to do with anything real you know? So like when Whiteback quit we got this here Mister Stye which he’s like this branch manager, I mean he used to be this insurance man so he knows what everything’s worth, you know? Like there’s this neat idea where instead of getting these dumb marks you get paid see like a dollar is A, fifty cents is B C is a quarter D is like nothing see then instead of E you have to pay a nick wait what are you doing hey . . . 🔗

id848131415

—I mean you don’t need to get so mad at everything, I mean you even got spit on where it says about a man of vision and all . . . 🔗

id848131485

now they want me to write this whole book to publish? Like they said they want to name it How To Make a Million see only I think earn, like How To Earn a Million I mean it sounds more dignified you know? 🔗

id848133498

—That’s not what it means! That’s what I’m trying to, listen all I want you to do take your mind off these nickel deductions these net tangible assets for a minute and listen to a piece of great music, it’s a cantata by Bach cantata number twenty-one by Johann Sebastian Bach damn it J R can’t you understand what I’m trying to, to show you there’s such a thing as as, as intangible assets? what I was trying to tell you that night the sky do you remember it? walking back from that rehearsal that whole sense of, of sheer wonder in the Rhinegold you remember it? 🔗

id848134900

—Look tell me what you heard then, just tell me what you heard.
—Well I, I mean you know . . .
—Why can’t you just tell me what you heard!
—Well just, because.
—Because what! what’s . . .
—Because you’ll get mad I mean you’re already mad! I mean I, everything I say you get mad somebody gets mad I mean how come everybody’s always getting mad at me! What am I sup, hey wait I thought you’re going to sit here a minute I mean just because I . . .
—It doesn’t matter!
—No but wait up hey! I mean all this stuff, I . . .
—Leave it there what good is it!
—No but if they subpoen it I mean I have to get it back in my locker at school for this here whole . . .
—Can’t you damn it! can’t you see it’s trash it’s just trash it’s always been trash all of it! The net assets the nickel deductions the man of vision all of it, can’t you see that now? 🔗

id848136204

—No but wait I know it’s not real hey! I mean it’s just this neat idea I had where this here naked girl picture I read you it on the train where they got this gossip calumnist to like fix you up with her hey Bast? I mean just this once see where this whole Teletravel thing see once it gets like operational I mean she’s this here whole heiress of these two hundred thousand shares of Diamond Cable hey Bast? where she gets these rights to them once you marry her to vote them when we make this here tender offer hey? then you get this divorce just like everybody hey Bast? Look out . . .! Headlights swept down the highway’s unkempt shoulder where it parted on the ruts of a dirt road—that shit boy! he splashed all over my, hey wait up I can’t even see where you, did you hear me? Just this once hey? Then we go after Western Union we get this whole complex of this cable travel going they think they can screw me out of everything boy I hardly even got started, I mean we get these here banks going we get this energy complex going with this here big gas deposit and this mineral one where you just fixed up this here neat deal with these Indians we get this here whole education market by the ow! Ow ow ow . . .! The wind held his hair on end hunched down on one knee there, lights loomed a shadow back over him, dropped it as they passed—oww . . . 🔗

id848146278

—Okay nothing it’s the whole thing! the whole rotten thing it’s a perfect example even you can understand it! the one station that played music great music left in the whole loud cheap pounding stupidity of radio you find it and make it cheap and stupid like all the rest if you could, if there was one flower out here in this mud and weeds and broken toilet seats you’d find it and step on it, the minute you . . .
—Okay wait look is it my fault if . . .
—The minute you get your hands on something the power to keep something like that going you couldn’t do it you couldn’t even leave it alone for a few people still looking for something beautiful, people who’d rather hear a symphony than eat who can still, who hear a magnificent soprano voice singing ach nein when you hear this here lady singing up mine you can’t get up to their level so you drag them down to yours if there’s any way to ruin something, to degrade it to cheapen it . . .
—Look is it my fault if this here symphony takes like half an hour to play it! And I mean you say cheapen boy this whole deal it’s like two million dollars in it and I mean like who wanted to buy their lousy station anyway! 🔗

id848146552

Like we’re paying them for this here whole hour aren’t we? I mean if they could get through these here symphonies in like five minutes where we’re getting this bunch of messages in we’re paying for I mean what do I care what they play! I mean who’s paying them to play all this here great music these people which aren’t hungry like at Russia? where the goverment makes everybody listen to it? Like I mean this here station it’s lqsing so much money it can’t hardly last anyway so I mean we have to buy it to help them out I mean what am I suppose to do! That’s what you do! 🔗

id848147814

—I mean that’s what I’m telling you! I mean why should somebody go steal and break the law to get all they can when there’s always some law where you can be legal and get it all anyway! So I mean I do what you’re suppose to and everybody gets . . .
—But why why are you supposed to! that’s what I’ve . . .
—No sir boy you, I mean like you’re telling me listen to this here singing just tell me what you hear so when I tell you you get so pissed off you smash it because I didn’t hear what I’m suppose to like you’re telling me how great the sky is and all like, I mean like this here night Mrs Joubert grabs me to make me look at the sky where she’s pointing see back there? that top of that like round white thing lit up back of those trees back there she’s holding me against her tit pointing at it so I can’t hardly breathe telling me see the moon over there coming up? is there this millionaire for that? and I, I duck away and she’s pissed off at me too it doesn’t matter she says why couldn’t, I mean why can’t anybody just . . .
—But she’s can’t you see what she, why did you duck away! can’t you see what she was trying to tell you she . . .
—What tell her it’s this top of this here Carvel icecream cone stand? tell her does she want to bet her ass if there’s this millionaire for that? 🔗

id848148459

—These a hundred musical insterments all playing at once where they like taped it for you and all I mean didn’t you? where you said it’s something you have to do like it’s your only reason to be anybody so I mean what’s the difference if maybe I couldn’t even understand it! I mean just because you know what you have to do without somebody’s always telling you what’s the difference if I look over there and see this icecream cone thing where Mrs Joubert sees this here moon coming up where I’m trying to find out what I’m suppose to do so you say it’s trash? where this here paper says I’m this man of vision so you say it’s trash? where I’m leading this parade where there’s this groundswill of I’m like fit for this big career in public life I mean this here eighth grade at this orange place where I’m telling them play to win only it’s not this game anyway even if you do what you’re suppose to I mean even if it’s trash boy, I mean you got to do what you have to do out of it didn’t you? 🔗

id848151224

—Believing and shitting are two very different things Mister Coen.
—I see yes I, I’m sure they are Mis . . .
—Two very different things.
—I’m sure yes I, I’d never really thought in precisely those terms now please . . .
—Better think in precisely those terms Mister Coen drive in walk out, two very different things. 🔗

id848154325

—Real spoilsport isn’t she, listen to this one. For a fifth straight day, the brave little fourth grader trapped in the soaring steel sculpture Cyclone Seven patiently awaits court settlement in a case that promises to set precedents in art and insurance circles alike. As tightlipped members of the local fire department stand their lonely vigil with acetylene torches ready, prepared to free the boy from what has been called one of the most outstanding contemporary sculptural comments on mass space, insurance company attorneys continue to work around the clock assembling briefs covering interpretations of the health, accident, life and property provisions contained in the numerous subclauses of the policies directly and indirectly involved in the controversy. Prospects for the out of court settlement rumored yesterday were suddenly dimmed by the intervention of a group calling itself the Modern Allies of Mandible Art. Through its attorneys, MAMA is seeking an injunction against what it terms willful destruction of a unique metaphor of man’s relation to the universe, stating its contention that altering the massive work in the smallest detail would permanently destroy the arbitrary arrangement of force and line that pushes Cyclone Seven beyond conventional limits of beauty to celebrate in the virile and aggressive terms of raw freedom the triumphant dignity of man. Braving the sleet and freezing rain that continue to sweep the bare expanse of the Cultural Plaza where Cyclone Seven stands, protesters picketing within a stone’s throw of the makeshift tent hastily suspended by friends and neighbors of the boy’s parents to give him some protection from Bast? Look at that picture looks like he’s being eaten alive, what’s this Waddles. Fish? 🔗

id848154734

—If that fish didn’t finish him nothing will you better take his pulse see if he still has one, here’s a Senate subcommittee that still thinks winning’s what it’s all about holding hearings on a project part of a company the same son of a bitches that got me out of the wallpaper business listen to this. Testifying before the Broos committee on operational difficulties, Doctor Vogel stated that the only remaining problems appear to be those encountered in handling the noise or sound shards as they are called, and in perfecting the timing element in the thawing process. In what Doctor Vogel described as perhaps too ambitious a trial in this early state of the art, the shards comprising Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony proved more difficult to handle than had been anticipated, and the sequential thaw technique was not entirely reliable. Appearing before the committee with his left arm in a cast and his face partially hidden by bandages, the colorful research director stated that the injuries sustained by himself and three of his technicians occurred when the entire first movement thawed in an unscheduled four seconds, ascribing the damage mainly to the strident quality of the musical work’s opening bars . . . 🔗

id848163472

—Just hand me the financial page there before you go Waddles, read it while I eat this there’s no sense being sick twice see that Bast? Life never lets you down does it, the Dow just hit four fifty-three the whole thing’s finally going to pot how do you like that, wake up some morning and it just won’t be there that’s what I’m telling you Bast you can’t call yourself a failure if you’ve never done anything. Run the whole country into the ground get thirty or forty thousand boys killed but they’ll let you pretend it’s not a war as long as you don’t raise taxes to pay for it, son of a bitches who still think winning’s what it’s all about that’s what would scare them this is worse than that fish I never tasted anything like it. Lie about taxes cheat on the federal budget a few years of that you’ve got the rate of private debt formation running double the real output it’s all supposed to be paid back from, let the interest rates triple on top of that and they’ll plant you a tree on the Perdinalies hand you a world bank or a three billion dollar foundation and give you ninety thousand a year walking around money while she sits in her four dollar a week room in Davenport and counts her tips that’s what I’m telling you Bast, if you want to make a million you don’t have to understand money, what you have to understand is people’s fears about money that’s what it’s all about try your Jello right on top of the cauliflower see? That way you can’t taste either one of them, you hear people crying about inflation that’s the only thing that’s kept it all going how else do they expect to pay back the two dollars they owe from the one they make here’s another of these son of a bitches listen to this. In a strongly worded appeal following today’s Senate hearings on the two hundred million dollar government loan guarantee favored by banking and investment interests engaged in reorganizing the complex corporate affairs of the same son of a bitches that got me out of the wallpap . . . 🔗

id848165617

—Mister Duncan? are you awake? Sun caught on water somewhere trembled on the ceiling—that reflection up there, can you see it throbbing? I think it’s my puke I’ve just been lying here watching it, I couldn’t figure it out. I wasn’t even trying to Mister Duncan? do you know what scares me? Just lying here watching it it’s from that glass of water down there where my foot’s resting I was thinking about all the things you’ve said, I was thinking there’s so much that’s not worth doing suddenly I thought maybe I’ll never do anything. That’s what scared me I always thought I’d be, this music I always thought I had to write music all of a sudden I thought what if I don’t, maybe I don’t have to I’d never thought of that maybe I don’t! I mean maybe that’s what’s been wrong with everything maybe that’s why I’ve made such a, why I’ve been thinking of things you’ve said as though just, just doing what’s there to be done as though it’s worth doing or you never would have done anything you wouldn’t be anybody would you, you wouldn’t even be who you are now, Mister Duncan? where’s the, nurse? Miss Waddams is that you out there . . .? 🔗

id848176986

—Always objecting to something only damn reason they’re writers, make their damn peace the country could get on with its business if this bunch hadn’t done it somebody else would here what’s these figures, haven’t got my glasses . . . 🔗

id848177201

Get hold of this end of it in this receivership there’s the whole punched tape industry by the short here young woman plug that in Beaton get me the price on Diamond.
—Yes sir but that’s nurse what is it . . .
—It’s this monitor to monitor the patient’s heart so the pacer can be adjusted to . . .
—Told them to bring in a Quotron where the devil is it.
—A what did he say?
—Quotron damn it can’t she . . . 🔗

id848212840

Well by God don’t talk to me about interference somebody has to hold things together that’s why damn it! Most of the damn trouble in the world’s made by damn fools with nothing to do have to give them something to do to keep them off the damn streets and I’m by God sick and tired of hearing them bite the damn hand that feeds them hear me? Only damn reason they think something’s worth doing’s they get paid to do it, make a nickel and they march around show off their damn cars ranch splits backyard pools outboard boats kids eating peanut butter take credit like they was the ones invented their success by their own damn selves don’t see me in a damn backyard pool do you? don’t see me taking vacations do you? Somebody don’t spend every damn minute working to hold the whole damn thing together for them they’ll be squatting in tents on the White House lawn make Coxey’s Army look like a damn Sunday school picnic by God Broos don’t talk to me about interference! Politicians can’t make up your damn minds take your winnings with one hand got the other one out shaking every fool hand you can grab still want to be liked well by God I made that choice eighty years ago never been here damn it give me that! 🔗

id848214611

—Look he didn’t even, I told him this morning I don’t have to anymore I don’t have to try to write music . . . he had a foot up jamming the pages into the wastebasket—I never had to, it was just something I’d never questioned before I thought it was all I was here for and he, everybody thought that they thought I was doing something worth doing he did too but he, nothing’s worth doing he told me nothing’s worth doing till you’ve done it and then it was worth doing even if it wasn’t because that’s all you . . .
—Mister Bast please, you . . .
—There’s no please no there’s no please left! the, the damage I’ve caused because they all thought what I tried to do was worth doing and I haven’t even done it . . .! he was down picking up pages his foot had brought out of the basket with it, jamming them back in with his fist—I, I should have just done what you wanted me to in the first place Mister Coen that, signed that waiver or whatever it is for my claim to half the estate and just let everything . . . 🔗

id848215038

—Destroyed of course I did! You didn’t think I, that I wanted you did you? You don’t think I, that day up on the mountain that I didn’t know you were watching me? that you’d followed me up the stream till I took off my bathing suit and were in the bushes there watching me? That this whole absurd, her bosom shaken by a sudden storm of sighs this whole frightened romantic nightmare you’d put me into all of it, all of it! that, that barn out there where these ideas these fantasies these, these obsessions could hide untouched unfinished till you opened the door on them again, on this fear you haven’t inherited James’ talent so you’ll settle for money that’s where it belongs all of it, with your music in the trashbasket all of it! 🔗

id848218295

—I mean until a performer hears what I hear and can make other people hear what he hears it’s just trash isn’t it Mister Eigen, it’s just trash like everything in this place everything you and Mister Gibbs and Mister Schramm all of you saw here it’s just trash! 🔗

id848218479

——for all these here letters and offers I been getting because I mean like remember this here book that time where they wanted me to write about success and like free enterprise and all hey? And like remember where I read you on the train that time where there was this big groundswill about leading this here parade and entering public life and all? So I mean listen I got this neat idea hey, you listening? Hey? You listening . . .? 🔗